Disciple James log: What about Judas?

8/7/24

https://youtu.be/UbWRj8p1CzM?si=YRn10J1VC60kx_Um

What about Judas? Conjecture, of course. 

Warning: Everything but what moves you to discipleship of Jesus is destructive of your health. jesianity.info/search/label/Jesus

Never studied him. Probably never will. 

But I'm glad to have this conjecture come to mind.

Certainly, I have never been encouraged by my environment to consider him seriously other than to dismiss him as someone that loved money more than Jesus, more than he loved Jesus. 

But now that I think of it, that strikes me as ridiculous.  What, he had a sudden notion that he could go get himself a palace in return for money that he would get for Jesus? That strikes me as ridiculous. 

What doesn't strike me as ridiculous, likely, he was ragingly insecure. And as many such people are, their self-image is everything. They experience it as life itself. And they will protect it at all costs. The pain of their self-image being threatened is so painful for them. It drives them crazy. 

And it worked out through his proximity to Jesus that he couldn't stand the idea that he was not the favorite, that he was not the center of the universe, that he was not considered by Jesus and the other disciples as the greatest. And maybe he was realizing they were beginning to see him for who he was.

And that meant that Jesus and the disciples and the people were wrong. It couldn't be Judas. 

That notion was intolerable to him. he had to lash out at Jesus. He had to what was causing him pain. He had to destroy what was causing him pain. 

So, he went to the folks that he knew would do that. Like a little rat. 

I mean, these are vindictive, creatures. A bare shadow. A bare shadow of a human being. 

To be ridiculed? To be pitied? To be feared? Well, it is to be respected, as everything deadly is to be respected, in that way.. 

But they are so twisted. So small. They are nothing beside their hideous, pitiful, delusion-based self-image. They are nothing 

And if they can get an obvious leader, an obvious great soul to recognize them, then that is the most glorious validation. 

But if they fail to get that recognition, or they fail to maintain that recognition, quite possibly as they are recognized for the pitiful Twisted small deceivers that they have to be. 

But not to be blamed. The environment is to be blamed. 

But they are all about deceit, self-deception first. And when that slips away, they have no choice but to destroy what is threatening or defeating their self-image.