Disciple James log: The Jesus van stopped

 Of course I'll never know if our half hour visit in the Walmart parking lot was helpful to derek, or his associate, but it was gigantically helpful to me, and I suspect to Derek whatever the outcome, whatever his conclusions.

It is rare that I have the opportunity for what seems like a really really clear exchange, such clear, apparently honest deep questions. And my growth accelerates gigantically in such things. Heartbreaking that they are so rare.

And from what I can tell, it's so difficult to read people over years let alone in 30 minutes, but from what I can tell I am glad that Derek is among us. Seems to be a good clear honest truth oriented individual.

What I can say for sure is that although my clarity has grown to what I experience as an extremely high level, particularly over the last year, and recent months, it went to new heights in our dialogue today. In no particular order:

1. Why am I sure that there are errors in the gospels and other New testament writings? 
• Because unless a sentient creator dictated every word, it would be impossible that there not be errors, many. It was decades before the words went down in writing. Even if those writing were in Jesus presence while he was alive, which is doubtful, that they could remember accurately without error hours later let alone many decades later when the writing took place, is impossible.
• Unless a sentient creator dictated every word, it is impossible that the writers fully understood jesus. It is impossible for one human being to fully understand another, and how much more so a once in a species emotional and intellectual genius like jesus? Not possible.
• And I'm not sure it's even necessary or that I did mention scholarship such as the Jesus seminar.
2. Derek, I know that Jesus teachings work, if only in my life. They are a complete perfect solution, everything that I need, nothing missing, to have a joyful abundant Life in this otherwise unbearably hateful world that we've created.
• And I see evidence in the lives of the likes of Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King jr, tolstoy, schweitzer, bonhoeffer, that Jesus gospels were sufficient for igniting them as well and nothing else that I see has ignited such extraordinary lives. Such enviable lives, and lives that have benefited fellow human beings as virtually none others have.
3. It is pretty much impossible that the other writers in the New testament are as valuable, close to as valuable as the moral teachings and example of Jesus in the Gospels.
• And Einstein comes along once a millennium. A Jesus comes along so far once in the lifetime of a species.
• It is not possible that lesser intellects, those of lesser emotional intelligence which the apostles must have been, could have fully grasped and therefore fully rendered or implemented what Jesus spoke. If they did it was only through divine magic. Making them the equivalent of jesus. Does anyone really believe that?
• And nothing that I see of the apostles and others indicates that they understood Jesus in the least. The writings of james, and the so-called Gospel of Thomas being possible exceptions.
4. Everyone acts like Jesus said, wait! I'm not giving you the whole picture! You have to wait for peter, you have to wait for paul, you have to wait for John of revelations.... You have to wait for Christianity and all the people in Christianity to tell you what I said and what I mean...! What He he did say was, people will come preaching in my name, do not follow them.
5. My horror at Christianity is multifold but essentially this: if as my life and observation of people such as I've mentioned above, Schweitzer and the like, is proof that Jesus teachings and example in the Gospels is a unique cure of anything less than a joyful abundant peaceful life, then everything that distracts from becoming expert at taking that cure, everything that becomes an alternate cure, or a dilution, or an adulteration, is a head exploding horrible crime against humanity. And with no exceptions so far in my life I see that Christianity does that to everyone that it touches.
6. And derek, Jesus said, the sheep hear my voice, they do not hear the voice of the stranger, they flee. Derek, I hear Jesus voice. I hear The stranger in paul, John of revelations, Peter.... I have no reason to prefer that. But my soul is very very clear.
7. And derek, I don't know anyone that has given Jesus a chance. Has tested the theory as I am, that he gave us everything we needed. And that to test that theory is committing all of the thousand and ten teachings and examples from the Gospels to memory. Thereby making possible for Jesus to begin explaining himself. Explaining one verse by something else he said. We never give that a chance. We take him verse by verse and look to the preacher, the pastor, the book writer, paul, john, our neighbor in the Bible study, to explain jesus. That's impossible. Only Jesus can explain himself. And he does. We just never give him a chance. Not in 2000 years.
8. And derek, my entire adulthood starting in industry for 27 years, I've had to walk alone, I've had to lead alone because no one else was seeing what I saw. I don't prefer that. But if I have to walk alone I'll do it. And now I find I can't do the work I need alone, not effectively. And I don't have to. As I've gained substantial recall of Jesus teachings and example, I hear his voice, and substantially I know him, and therefore I know the father. That's how I experience it, no credit to me. To say otherwise would be a lie. And I do not experience the father, creator, as outside me although I see evidence all around me in nature and the occasional live Soul in a young child or an adult. I experience it inside me. And I don't know how to understand Jesus except that that's what he found and what he tried to share with us. He said such things as, the words I share were given me by the father. What, did he go to a phone booth? Did he have an earpiece? It was more immediate than that. Whether what I experience inside me that I can't control, that I can listen to, my holy spirit, my soul, whether that's a receiver or a piece of crater itself I don't know. But that's how it is for me.
9. Lifelong I found the notion of being a subject to a lord or a king in a kingdom profoundly undesirable and disrespectful of what Creator made me. But within the last year a different perspective was given me. James, who in their right mind would not make of themselves a dutiful subject of the most loving all-knowing master? No other way could they be so empowered and informed in their service of creation. Inexpressible Joy unachievable any other way.